a month has passed my friends

so its been near a MONTH since i last blogged. and it was very frustrating indeed. there has been a plethora of meaningless junk that i have pined to post, but have not been able to. now however, i am posting because my mother is being promoted to seargant and needed a laptop, thus my family now has a new laptop! my two other computes are still broken, but lo que sea...

anyways, since i cant remember any of the super cool stuff i had meant to post, i'll just stop here, and wait for more stuff to come to me.

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well for whatever reason this didnt post, and now im posting again and its 2/6/06, so whatever

anyways, im feeling a little depressed and for a really dumb reason. the stupid sadie hawkins dance is coming up and all of my firends and by all i actaully mean all but one... have dates or potential dates and i feel a little left behind. yea, like i said, dumb. i guess i feel a little lonely.

i dont know if i even wanna talk about this. ive had a song stuck in my head lately, i love it. its wounded by third eye blind. there is no reason to warrent my love, but lo que sea. it has nothing to do with how im feeling now, but i just really like it. my thoughts seem to be scattered (scatterten?) and unconnecting. i dont like the feeling of being disjointed. its terrible.

i wish i could say more, give a clearer description, but because of the fuzziness of my mind, thats not possible

oooh, good song quote right now... something, something, seomthing "My state of mind is a disgrace"

its a jazz song i like, called stop this world by diana ross, i think. i kinda have a thing for jazz. didnt realize till lately. also im falling in love iwth cleur de lune. i can tell that, taht is gonna be one of those songs i like forever. so many things it seems to convey to me at once... goodness, i really like it

anyways, i think i need to start working out. im sure id be happier, theres always that endorphin factor. plus, i dunno, i just need to run. and not stop. and you get the idea

i wish i felt happier.

i wish it would rain

damn those stupid ppl who whine when its not sunnny enough. they can go under a UV light and feel better... i cant just go under a shower it doesnt work

however i did descover something. if i turn on the shower, then lay flat of the botton of the tub, and let my head rest on the bottom as well, it kinda sounds like rain, a little. and thats about as close i can get to the natural rain high. q-u-e...t-r-i-s-t-e

im goign to kill myself if she doesnt quit that!!! geh!

mom-"are you depressed? are you sad?? are you going to kill yourself!!?!?! you have no reason to be sad, you have sucha perfect life!!! whats wrong?!??! im a faliure as a mother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and it goes on and on and on and on

i suppose i should hav elearned by now that some people have no room in life to be unhappy. it is allotted to me to have fluctating emotions, and it is alloted to a dying faction to be those that indulge the emotional whims of their counter parts. three guesses to figure out which one i am.

so what? happy smile? more little jokes? more, "im so excited for you guys! the dance is going to be sooooooooo fun!! i just cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

the pure elation of it all will surely overcome the stagnant feeling and instill in me the true meaning of christmas... or some shit like that.

qotd~"when youre wounded"