NOOK im pathetic

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK

dear diary,

mood:

Apathetic


hahahaha, okay no, im just pretending to me emo.. sorry...

anways, yeah NOOOOOK im pathetic. if you live near the netherlands or perhaps speak dutch you might know what NOOK means, however if you dont, well thats too bad. anways to reiterate myself NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK im pathetic.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOK

thats not the proper response im sure

no one get this, right?

pffft, anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys let try this again

dear diary,

mood:

askjNgertaerOiht;oauerguOahrguKrjtm

^yes, that is a highly complex emotion! dont doubt, your fragile minds cannot even BEGIN to grasp the COMPLEXITY of that mood/emotion

okay, so, um... i spent an hour holding hands with someone. ((annie, shut your mouth, in know your laughing, or thinking about calling nora, or somethign else very annie-ish, but remember the SACRED vow,whats written on ashleys blog, stays on ashleys blog, kinda like the whole vegas thing except minus the strippers, booze, gambling, and transvestite shows...))well this someone is a very good friend someone.

now, what per se, would you say that means?

wait.. i think i know...


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK

yup, that about sums it up.

im such a loser

sriously, i turned off my cell phone, to avoid possibly having to answer calls from certain someoens, because i dunno what im gonna end up saying.

we cant go out, thats what it comes down to

hes all for the whole girlfriend, "relationship"

*cringes at the word 'relationship'*

thing, the whole freaking 9 yards

((CUE MORE NOOOK'ing ON MY PART AS MY CAREFULLY AVOIDED SUBJECT IS BROUGHT UP))

then there is me. a girl who is for no reaosn, TERRIFIED of any sort of committment, does not EVER want to particiapate in ANY form of PDA, and who would rather just have a good friend to makeout with (haha, for the london audience, i believe the terminology is "snog" correct?) than an actual bf. i cant stnad clingyness either. i dont wanna have to talk to someone everynight before i go to bed, i HATE that idea. eeeew. hafkughawil;rgnlkrtgbkuawjhrtgkljfdhS

((NOOK AGAIN FOR THE CONVERSTATION SHE IS HAVING))

NOOK JUST FOR THE CIRCUMSTANCES


i kinda just wanna ignore him... that seems really mean.... being that mean makes me feel like annie... weird


i wouldnt be able to stand it if we were in school... and in hickmans class... and if he did ANYTHING even REMOTELY boyfriendish... i would just die. he always jokes around in lang. class. he'll put his arm around my waste and tell nick that im his g/f. as a joke i shove him aside and say somethign mean like always. but if he did that, and we were....uh... going out. um, id keep a calm face, in my head, id be screaming. loudly. obscenities. i dotn even like the idea of somemone calling me their girlfriend. Maybe i have identity crisis. but i dont like being thought of in a possesive way. like i no longer have a name. yeah, im effed up.

why do i open cans of worms?

i know it cant work out. i know if for some werid reason it did, one of us would be sad when it ended. if i know so much... why do i do such dumb things?


nora says hes bossy. i couldnt be around someone bossy. he says he gets jealous. that wouldnt work for very long.

on top of it all, i did enjoy spending time with him.

so really, the question is, what now?

um if anyone has good advice, lemme know alright?

qotd~"hello... ive waited for you here everlong" (( i love this song and its one of the only songs that i really like that makes me think of being with someone... only, in no way does it make me think of chris.. bad sign?))