phrase of the freaking year? "AY CHINGAME POR LADO IN OTRO VEZ"

okay

so

a recap of the weekend is in order. its no secret, at least to ppl like coby and paul who constantly remind me of this, that im am not in a good state of sorts and needed to have fun to get outta this lovely funk im in. so i attempted to do that. yes, attempted, i didnt succeed.

i went to NAU. got durnk off of my ass. the drunkest ive ever been in my entire life. coby said i had never gotten drunk until i was throwing up everythign i had consumed that day, couldnt stand, and wasnt able to think clearly or sober up relatively fast. well, then according to coby, i had never been truesly drunk, until saturday.

so usually i drink as recreation. for fun. but lately ive been feeling i n-e-e-d-e-d to get drunk, to save waht little sanity i have left. so instead of being a smart drinker, i quite literally said, chingalo, and decided to have 7 shots of straight vodka (large shots mind you, taken from a double shot glass, they werent filled to the top, but each was like a shot and a half or a quater), which is more than ive ever had before. and to top that, i decided that eating anythign was a silly idea, and that taking all 7 of them in a 45 minute time period was a SWELL idea. usually, i stick to 6 shots, i drink them in a three and 1/2 hour time frame, i eat crackers in between, i make sure to take a long walk in the cold, and i drink a ton of freaking water. yeah, none of that happened this time. i decided, what the hell, im miserable, i want alcohol.

so yes. it was soo amusing, for a while. i honestly couldnt stand for more than a few seconds. walking across the room was an incredible obstacle, and yeah it was really fun for that small amount of time. well i tell my sister a lovely story, (which i never actaully disclosed here now that i think about it... oh well) about a certain someoen. and she decides that this certain someone is a complete asshole. and im like whateva. so were just sitting around, i honestly cant remember what we were doing. but yeah, she further decides that an EXCELLENT idea would be to call this certain someoen up and tell him what she thinks of him. when i realize this is happening, just imagine what a chicken wtih its head cut off looks like, now imagine this, except with me as the chicken... yes, i was flipping out. screaming at the top of my lungs (many profanities) to the point where ken (my sisters bf) decides that im being so loud im gonna wake the RA (dorm police type ppl) up and we were all gonna get in huge trouble for drinking in the dorm and being all under the age. so the ONLY logical thing to do would be to JUMP on top of me, and hold his hand over my mouth to the point where i can no longer breath and i shit you not, to the point where i wake up with a bruise on my face from his thumb the next morning. so yeah, instead of giving me the goddamn phone and not calling this person, they decided to nearly strangle me and let me go home bruised on my face and arm, lovely right?

so sarah calls, and tells this person that they are a freakign jack ass. (im screaming in the background) and she goes on for about a minute, then hangs up. i dont know if it was the realization that my life has gotten exponentially worse or the multitude of alcohol, or that ken had finally got off of sitting on my stomach. but soon i was very much sick. and yeah, my fun evening died in a white shiny porcelain waste receptical... if you catch my drift... all that lovely alcohol soon left my system and as it did, i realized soemthign very poignant. for all those who whine about how hard alcohol is going down, let me tell you from experience, that its going down is nothign compared to its coming back up.

so the next morning, after the sickest night of my life, i wake up, with a bad hang over. take some advil. sleep some more. get up to go to the bathroom, fall over, try again. make it out of the room this time. then sleep some more. then finally get out of bed after watchign some basketball (im not into sports, but they were so yeah) well then finally we head home. during the night, my sister realizing she really effed up, decided to text him and tell him she was sorry and to call me in the morning so i could explain. well it makes me fairly nervous that he hasnt called and its around three-ish. so finally he calls, but my phone is near dead, so i tell him i'll call him in like an hour when im home. so i get home, call him around 430. he doesnt answer. text him asking if he wants to hit safeway with me. doesnt answer.(hahah, he just signed on...). so im shopping. feeling pretty miserable, my sister had been very harsh from hwat i remember. good thing is, is that she PROMISED she had only called him random profanities and did not say at all why she would do so. well anyways, he calls and is like "so yeah, about last night.... what happened??" well, if you have not already realized, my life is an exercize in pretending things didnt happen or downplaying things so theyre not a big deal. and of course, that is hwat i did hear. i told him i was realyl sorry and that sarah is a mean drunk. adn she was just talking nonsense, dont listen to a word she says, i think she even called some other ppl in my phone book and yelled for no reason at them too... well this could have worked. life could have shined on me and this could have been the end of it. right??? right!?!? NO. not for me. everythign in my life had to be made terrible to the ninth degree. so chris goes "yeah, that makes sense. but i know she meant what she was saying, becasue she said something like "ashley's up here drinkign becasue shes depressed becasue you two use to be really close and now you hardly talk"" into which point i say mentally the timeless phrase "ay, chingame por lado un otro vez." sooooo i try to say basically "um, yeah, i dunno what youre talking about" ((if you'll notice, ive put both my life strategies into play now, ive tried to downplay someting, then just decided to try and pretend it didnt happen)) yeah he doesnt believe me. it really pisses me off. hes been doubtful for a whole if ive been alirght with whats happened. and i have tried oh soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard to make it seem like ntohgin was wrong. i had to do so much convincing. it was a lot of freakign work to make him think there was NOTHIGN wrong. and all of that hard work, energy, effort, man hours, all destroyed in a 90 second long phone call... in the end, he sounds kinda down, he says that he actaully thinks my sister is right about him, and that stuff like this really hit him personally. so as were talking im saying the words "im sorry" about twenty times... every two minutes... in the end hes all "dont worry, im use to stuff like this" which makes me feel even worse. and i try to make it better, but in the end hes says he promised to go play soccer ((annie you should totally know who im talking about if you didnt already)) with some ppl and that he had to go.

funnn right?

so now were into present time. with the lessons of the weekend behind me. i learned that the very threadwork of the fabric which holds the fragile pieces of my life togehter and keeps them from falling into abysmal darkness is unravelling at an incredible rate, leaving me dumbfounded and thinking absently to myself "...ay...chingame por lado un otro vez..."



random thought occured to me when i woke up with the killer hangover and was staring at the celeing. whatever happened to popcorn celings? they use to be everywhere, (ie, in kens and daves dorm room) and now they just arent. odd huh?

qotd~"i am moving to russia"