well fuck me sideways

can you say... HELL NO!!! never ever, ever, ever, ever again! you freaked the hell outta me last time and i dont ever want to again. i still have to whine to emily about it, and your just freaking lucky me and em kept getting delayed and i just decided to believe you made a mistake. but hell no. what kinda of idiot are you?
honestly, W---T---F??? i kinda wish now i had picked up the phone when you last called, so i could at least figure out where the hell youre coming from... Seriously, why do you keep having to disapoint me? i dont even wanna be near you anymore. i cant stand to be close to you at all. i hate it, you use to be so cool in my mind!! now its all different b.c you were an asshole! thx alot! and now you have the audacity to ask me that? didnt you learn ANYTHING from the last time? anything at all? have you no conscience? god damn it! urgh, so what do i do? huh? do i tell someone? still need to tell emily... yeah, i know im making too big a deal outta somethign not so big, but its a big freaking deal to me. especially since i would NEVER do it myself! id rather walk on broken glass (and that is NO EXAGGERATION!!) so what the fcuk is wrong with you? goddamn you. i use to be so happy. thought things were so great. *cue embittered laugh* but i guess thats not so, eh?

w/e im going now

qotd~"STUPID ASSHOLE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND..... D-O-N-T......E-V-E-R.....
I-N-T-E-R-U-P-T.....M-E..... W-H-E-N......I-M........B-L-O-G-G-I-N-G......
A-G-A-I-N-!!!!!!!!!

the road less traveled by

so i think im getting sick, eew. and ive been cleaning all day. and i kinda feel like ive wasted my break, among other things (dot dot dot)

yesterday before i went to sleep i had my first real panic attack about my life, and frankly it wasnt the funnest. see, i reaized as i was drifting into unconciousness that i cant have it both ways, and soon i must choose which way i want it. this thinking about my life was influenced, by coby, thanks a lot... that stupid robert frost poem, the road less travelled by. well the good thing is, is that one choice is clearly the road less travelled by, however at the same time i fear i might be giving up too much. and the other path isnt much better though, i fear it has been travelled by so often its been trampelled into oblivion, i fear should i too travel down it, it would soon fade beneath my feet and i would no longer be travelling (or living for that matter) and would more or less jsut be surviving in the middle of this borken down excuse for a road with no direction infront of me and none left behind me. me and coby were talking about this earlier, but i was just kidding around, however now im slightly frightened by the answer that came so qucikly to me before, i gave it no thought, it was simply the first thing that came to mind.

whoami6989: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--/ I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
Ashez918: yes well unfortunately for me, i sat there in hesistion untill the wind swept both paths away, and now i live as a saddened troll under a bridge (there was a bridge next to the roads) and i go neither way, and live neither life, and can ultimately come to neither end

yes there is some nonsense of mine being a troll mentioned, however that is purely my quirkiness and my attempts, which have just now failed, to make light of the situation.

so heres what im afraid of. im afraid i dont know which path to take. im afraid i'll have given up too much if i take the one less travelled by, and im afraid i'll give up everything if i take the one more traveled by, most of all im afraid i'll just sit here playing a slightly more thought-out and philosophical version of "eeny meany, miney, moe" until both roads are gone from memory and sight. in which case i would be left behind (which is actaully one of my biggest, and in my mind, most rational fears)

i suppose what i really want to know is why a third road was never made. why cant there be a road for both the things i want in life? why cant i do it my way? sure the road less traveled by is fine for our frost character, and maybe the life of white picket fences and a double house morgage (--which im sure would scare m_m to no end, {youre not meant to understand that last part...--}) is suiting enough for most. but why do i have to be a frost or a white fence? what if i want neither? what if i want something completely different, yet that has been slightly watered down with the norm... perhaps the inate sense of life and love beyond waht is different. beyond what is jsut good? beyond seeing a dirt ridden field turned into something beautiful, something full of life. thats what i think i am choosing between i guess. life and love exist in both paths, but one is more dominant for both. in our path less traveled by, that which pertains to myself at least, is more dominated by life, yes there would be a lot of love. however, its more of turning the field into something that would grow. its more concerend with beauty. with legacy, with meaning. something that is different from that of my neighbors. the other path (which forever reason is on the right, while the less traveled by path lies of the left) is filled more with love. there is life there of course, new life, not rebirth, but something brand new. somethign to mold for the first time. i wouldnt have ot worry about old scars or stains, or smoke marks, everything would be new and fresh.

from that im sure many would say its obvious that whichever path keeps me from healing old wounds and hiding old scars would be the better choice. but soemthign wierd about me is that i think most things are more beautiful after theyve been beaten up. i think a figurine is so much better once its fallen from its shelf and smashed upon rows of tiles, only to have its shattered pieces picked back up and pasted together with good ole elmers glue. yeah, it doesnt look new anymroe, yeah its not "worth" as much on the market, and perhaps its value has gone down. but frankly, i think its better, and id be much more proud to own one that has fallen and been picked up and made more beautiful than it ever was before. its weathered, and why should that be ugly?

alas, here we've arrived, this is why i cant have my third road. i would need to find someone who would feel the same way. who would be as passionate about this as i am. ive never found someone, i doubt i ever will. so what do i do?

there is the option of never reachign either's end. but walking down them both, just about half way. i never liked this idea. i believe in committing yourself to something and doing it to the best of your ability. i dont like it, but should i do it? i could walk down the path more traveled by first, live that way for the majority of my life. then when im older, more time on my hands, i could stroll down the path less travelled by. i would never reach its end, and that im sure would sadden me, but i could explore it a little, right? its settling, i know it. and frankly, ive never wanted to settle in life. that might be my biggest, most rational, and realest fear. i dont want to settle, but i dont want to give somethign up. and either way i go, i leave somethign behind. somethign great maybe, somethign even better. maybe something bigger than myself. so i guess i wait. wait for what im not certain, but i'll wait; wait for dawn, wait for rescue, wait for a solution would never come.

nice music now, its either foreshadowing impending doom or its giving light to new inspiration. i dont know if i know of another song that can be so interpretive to be either inspirational or my prophecy of unhappiness. id post lyrics, but there are no words, id give the name but i dont know it.

with having no more to say,
ashley

Aquarium

hey so i think im content with my blog for the moment. i know i didnt stick with the rain clouds long, but i really hadnt planned on sticking with it, it was just a temorary thing b/c i was tired of the house picture. well, im more or less happy with it. i wanted to change the time stamp to the same color as the "posted by shleebobs @" thing, (which is light blue by the way) however, i simply couldnt manage. i dont know how i managed to change the color of that time stamp last time, but it simply wont change for me now -__-

also, i dunno if its just my computer or waht, but the aligning of the text looks funny, kinda awkward, it doesnt flow right. looks to blocky, and all the text is mad small, but its set on medium, so i dunno. i think it might just be me, b/c other sites also have mad small font.

most angering is how the background pic repeats. that is really annoying, but i have no idea how to change it. preferably, id like to crop the background pic, take a bit of the top, set that as the whole background then just set the text as fixed. but alas, my skills (or lack thereof) fail me, grrr.

i think i'll end up changing the text style of the title to something else, i like papyrus, but it doesnt seem to fit here. and i'll end up changing the firefly little pic thing, it just doesnt fit at all.

okay, i think im done being anal (--- "anal" is the weirdest adjective to describe someone who is picky b/c if you think about it, anal really means somethign along the lines of "pertaining to the anus" so basically if you call someone anal your saying theyre ass like, weird huh?---). i dunno if anyones noticed, but my thought out blog titles "only a firefly to the light of the sun" and "like a mad man laughing at the rain" have both been lyrics to someone of my favorite songs. this new one "a life behind the glass" is not a song lyric, but i like it just the same. i found in the following;

Aquarium

life in the aquarium
its one of watching others pass
of faces pressed in wonder
a life behind the glass

water that passes by you
the same you saw yesterday
see everything is the same
when the eyes that watch you have to pay

for everyone else its new
but no day is different from the last
the way were condemned to
a life behind the glass

is it really called a life
when your only option is to stay?
to have your name called out
but no one to hear what you say?

what kind of prison has no bars
keys or locks to clasp?
does it scare you not to see the walls?
a life behind the glass

testing testing, 1 2 3

lets see if i can make pics come up....

clearly the blog is under construction, but wait awhile and i'll get it looking right and not so helter skleter ( thats a very technical term by the way...)

what a distraction....

i havent written a real blog in a few days. and i really dont plan to start now but i might as well give you an update whilst im here.

i think i completely failed my math final. but im not too bummed out about that, i had foreshadowed faliure. it wouldnt have been too hard, had i known half the information (dot dot dot) well, as long as i get above a 35% i get to keep a B in the class, and im pretty sure i got above a 35%.

bio final is a diff story. i really have no idea what i got on it. when i was first doing it i thought it was hard, but then when i was checking my answers i thought they all sounded pretty good, even the ones that i wasnt sure of at least had answers based off of some sort of thought proccess/educated guess. well i hope i did decently, i want to get an A very much.

hmm, i havent much more to say. but at the saem time i havent much more to do. no one is online, myspace is slow, and i dont really wanna go downstairs for untold reaosns inwhich i will be explored on christmas where i hope to receive advice.

erm... yeah, so, yeah... i wrapped presents today. and beleive you me, that was terribly exciting. and i went to tiffs after school to steal food and watch movies in light of her Bday. twas mucho fun. and there are some nice pics. opkay, reallly now im funning out of things to talk about. but i dont wanna stop talking b/c then my life will be without distraction and i'll have to do something useful with my time!!!

okay, i decided to start using pilates (sp?) every morning. my stomach is decending into the same level of flabiness as my thighs, thus i plan to stop this downward spiral and begin pilates!! that is assuming of course i can manage to wake myself up early enough in the morning to do them once school starts again. i figure if i do pilates 5 or 6 times a week for two or three months, i will be looking pretty good. or at least will show some kind of improvement.

im really grasping at straws here, i dont wanna stop writing, i dont wanna do something else. i wish someone was online! anyone! maybe i'll go to sleep. im kinda tired.

i should be happier since schools out for two weeks, finals are over, and i am gauranteed an A in all my classes for at least three weeks (at the third week we get progress reports) come january. but for whatever reason im just not. im not in the mood to be really happy or exicted or in a state of jubilee. what really ticks me off is how late we gotta outta school this year, it was soooo dumb. it doesnt feel like christmas at all now. and its deff. not gonna feel like christmas eve tomorrow. -_-

hmmm, what else to write... theres ntohgin really. im just taking up space. you know what, i type fairly fast, but i make a lot of errors when i do. and i have to keep comstantly going back and fixing them, im pretty fast with the backspace button too so it doesnt take much time, but still, i wish i was more accurate. on myspace theres that dumb bulletin that says to retype "I cant type very well with my eyes closed" with your eyes closed and see how close you get. i did it perfectly. whats weird is even with my eyes closed i could feel when i made a mistake and went back to fix it. okat no one in their right mind cares about this, but i am now typing with my eyes closed, cool huh? what?! dont day its not cooL! it is cool, this is the coolest talent you can have! whats sad is some people still do that little index finger typing and they look so dumb! anywyas, i think im a gonna open my eyes now.. *eyes open*

so ive offically ran out of things to talk about/do...

so, Merry Christmas all! And a Happy New Year! happy bday tiff, and have fun in cali annie!!

lots of love all,
shleebobs

QOTD~"too much estregine!!"

defeat means saying, "i give up"

whoa... so i snapped when i came home early, wrote a blog, and now have deleted it becuase i unsnapped, or repaired if you will, myself.

qotd~ "so my best is my worst...lovely, simply lovely"

i only need a quote of the day for this entry...

qotd~ "but you said you didnt want to be my secret, breakfast lover..."

so i hate loxley... thats all i really have to say, bye all

qotd~"were gong to learn about ferns today..."

mine are eyes that see of sound

mine are eyes that see of sound
ears that hear of the sweetest tastes
yet, i taste only the fragrent scent
i smell only the softest of touch
and only touch of the most beautiful of sights

too foolish is it i know
to let you control my sense
but should i give them to anyone else
my heart surely they would fence

but my mind loves none save you
and yet my heart thinks of the waste
my senses know not
that yours is a love you wont let me taste

qotd~"why a "he"? thats femenist! 'were men, were so strong, and he-menish, and... and... STUPID!'" - my loser little sister

grr.. and lions and whatnot

grrrrr

if this was a livejournal, and i could post my mood, it would definitely be along the lines of "angry" or "peeved" or "annoyed"... i just cant stand being ignored! actually i hate more being forgoten about, and thats how i feel write now, its so very frustrating!

*"grrr's" some more*

well alas, i dont have a live journal, so i shallnt be posting my mood. instead i will stop wasting away my life on this glowing multi-dimentional box and go read "the lion the witch and the wardrobe" because unlike every other kid in the world, i never read those grwoing up and everyone says i need to.

qotd~"How do we know your not on Her side?"

ocd? maybe?

so i never really thought about it before, but i think i could be OCD... it occured to me the other day. i was in this fabric store and they had all of those little multicolored small rose things. well there were about 17 colros of these roses, and all in little cups. but of course stupid ppl had mixed up the colors so i started to put them back. and my mom was in there for like ten more minutes and i just kept putting them back. then it became like a race against the clock becauase i HAD to get them in the right order. well then we had to leave and i didnt get to finished, and it really bothered me. well then i was like, whoa, this could be OCD. then i started to think of other weird things i do.

when im walking, i have to take the same amount of steps on the cracks in the sidewalk with my left foot as i do with my right foot. say if ive stepped on the crack ten time with my right, and 9 with my left, and i can tell the next time i step on the crack will be with my right foot again, i will purposely mess up my walking pace so that my left foot steps on the crack....

and when i eat, i have to take the same number of bites on both the left and right side of my mouth

im obsessed with symetry and get really bothered when things are symmetrical.

if im just sitting bored somewhere i'll start to count things and/or read everything within site

yeah, does anyone know if these things make me OCD or not?

qotd~"the unfurling of the ducks!"

okay, so yeah, yours truely, the worst math person ever invented got a

0-N-E H-U-N-D-R-E-D P-E-R-C-E-N-T

on her math test!! woohooo!!! this woould be way cooler if it was my math final and i got an A in the class, but i just dont have that much talent. i'll still most likely get a B in the class, but im at least happy i understood this chapter, makes me feel good!

anyways, we did white elephant in FCA today. allow me educate you all on what "white elephant" means to me... it means that someone says, "hey, what did ya get for a white elephant present?" and i of course answer "Crap! white elephant is today!! shoot!"

now the only logical way to go about solving such a problem is to of course look in my backpack and see what i can pass off as a gift...

last year when i ran into the same problem, i gave a pare of plastic purple jewel studed earings, that a.) were completely hideous, and b.) were didnt even work...

this year i did much better (i also had way more time for planning) i found a very small pocket sized notebook in my backpack, into which i wrote somethig along the lines of Prayer or Bible notebook, or something like that, then i put in three pieces of gum, then i made a little cross outta clay in ceramics that day, but i didnt have time to fire it, so yeah... then i used a dollar to buy some skittels. what to wrap it in? why, kalyns used brown lunch bag of course! i wrote merry christmas and happy new year on it so it didnt seem like i used just any old bag. and there you have it, a grande white elephant gift! if you think its crappy, just be happy i didnt resort to using some tampons i still had in my backpack, and idea that im sorry to say really did cross my mind....

after school i went home and lounged around for a good many hours. then my family started decorating our tree, and more or less finished decorating the house. im fairly saddened though b/c were missing two decorations that i really like :(

now im debating on whether or not i should study astronomy tonite, which is actaully a secret code that only one person knows, and i shalnt be revealing whom. muhahaha

i really like that song by linkin park, "this is my december" not the crappy version with all of that uneeded background noise and that annoying girl singing backup, but the one sarah (mi hermana, recuerdes?) has on that one CD... but the CD skips and she has it so i must make do with the crappy version on my moms ipod.

i have been feeling off and on sick the past couple of days. but at least i dont have the virus where you keep throwing up. though ive felt like i would a few times. eew i feel mediocre now. really eeew bout an hour and a half ago and great 2 hours ago. so it just comes and goes i guess. okay i think im done here

qotd~

"is this the ear you cant hear out of?"

*silence*

"George Bailey I'll love you till the day I die."

at school i studided all day for math and bio

still have to finish the math test, but i was doing all right while taking it so w00t for that...

bio i think i did well enough, but you never know with her STUPID quizes, specially when theyre essays

then i got home and did nothing. partly becuase of laziness and partly because i started to feel sick again. i actaully feel worse now, i need to get to bed

last thing, i listened to some older music (stuff i liked a lot fresh year) mostly trapt, nickleback, and enya. twas fun

tis all, all

qotd~"too lazy and sick feeling to think up/remember a quote, sorry"

macabre streets and linen sheets

ever gone too far?
ever remember being in ago?
ever seen whats off the path
ever learned what it meant to reap what you sow?

somwhere in the distance
quite far from here im sure
theres soemthign waiting for us
something only prophits are suppose to know

im starting to wonder now
why the fences are built so high?
why we gate and lock the doors
why men werent born with wings so they could fly

see, past the macabre streets and linen sheets
past the rain and past the snow
somewhere only angels quake
thats where i want to go.

la lista de las yays y las unyays

list of "yays" and a list of "unyays" (yes, "unyay" is a very technical term..."

becuase im optomistic, lets start with the yays, shall we?

yays:

did alright on spanish test
understood the emily dickinson poem
DIDNT HAVE TO TAKE BIO QUIZ... YAY to the tenth power, SQUARED
went over to tiffs and had fun
tiff came me pills so i stopped feeling like i was gonna die
I ACTAULLY GET MATH! yay to the infinite power!! (oooh, you cant top that!)
no more homework, except start studing for finals... eeew

unyays:
soo soo soo tired this morning
hist. teacher leaving, and i love the one we have now :(
i have been sick since ceramics, 5th hour
got sicker in math
still sick in bio
still sick at tiffs
still sick now, and i cant miss anymore days
i am so so so so tired, but ive slept a TON in the past few days
gotta study for finals.....eeeeew

and thats all i really gotta say about that...

qotd~"being naked is just so... free!"-nora

finals

yeah, finals freaking suck!

ive got to get either an 80 or an 84 on my math final to keep an A... can we say, NOT HAPPENING?

then my bio teacher is a complete psycho... she says i have an 88% which is ^%*#&(_Q@@ *^W$%*@& *&^$*!!! i have been getting A's on all of the last test and A's and B's on all of the quizes and have one missing assignment (which ISNT missing, b.c she checked it TWICE b.c shes an idiot and kept missing the last five papers of it that said all teh junk about the definitions of moss reproductive organs *cringes*)

so yeah, im not in the happiest state of beings.. to top it all off, i have to study for both a math test on wed. and a bio quiz (reproductive cycle of flowering plants and moss)

can we all say screwed?!?

my school flooded with sewage today, QUE DIVERTIDO

i burned my mouth on too hot of pizza, and wasted away the majority of the day sleeping.

now im gonna stay up all night "learning" ahahhahahahahahahhah

"whos is this.. its stinks!"-random guy in ceramics class
*sarah picks up clay and smells*
"no, it doesnt actaully stink, it just sucks...."-random guy again
"oh..."-sarah

too lazy to put this in the actaul post but i have like 13 ducks now... gonna get rid of a bunch, did i already tell you guys this?

yikes, essay, gross... but im almost done. and im trying really hard so i BETTER get a damn good grade

HEY EVERYONE... watch me edit!!!!
*edits away part for her life*
*woot woot!*

then other stuff happened, but im too lazy to post, so yeah

gonna finsih that essay now.

poub

going to see transyberian orchestra (sp?). never been so i dont know what to expect exactly, it will be as we say in my family... AN ADVENTURE! *cue evil scientist laugh*

then i think im headed up to nau...(another "soy elegante" experience...) no idea when i'll do my tarea, but i'll worry about that later...

too lazy to post random poems that come to me and that more often then not would make any real poet cringe, so read the aim profile, there are excerpts from them in there.

im gonna be proud of myself, so watch out...

my spanish teacher loved my presentation said wow when i finished! then said something like how my presentation was exactly what she wanted. She said i spoke like i was a native speaker!!! *beams*
spanish is one of those few things i really wanna be good at b/c i love the language, and i get it farely well. and it was nice to hear i speak it well since kal loves to tell me that i have a stupid accent. (even though an actaul NATIVE SPEAKER said i had a very good accent...) anyways, i think i speak spanish better than most just because i speak english really, really fast... and since the words in spanish flow more easily, i speak it really, really, really fast. anyways, im happy, and now i gotta go. bye bums!

qotd~"life behind the glass"

blue glow

you know what i hate... i dont know why and i cant explain it. but i hate seeing a dark room with nothing but the glow of the tv. Its not that b/c its dark, or b/c i think its freaky, i just dont like it. soemthing about comming into a room, and seeing someone just lifelessly staring at this box, this godamned box that keeps glowing and moving and talking, drives me crazy. i dont know why it botehrs me so much, if the lights are on, i dont really care. just something about that light being off. its like life has virtually stopped for this individual. why need light, im just staring at the tv? i dont need to get up anytime soon, (moving around would require a light), i dont plan to have converstaiotn with anybody (hard to look someone in the eyes in the dark) and i dont plan to leave the vicinity of this glow. its eeeeery. eeery how it has so much control. if that man wanted to leave his house it might take several men to hold him down (depending on his motivation) but here, hes just glued. stuck, right there. where does he want to go in life? maybe he wants to be something better, bigger, but NO! hes stuck infront of the tv! and he doesnt even know it! that one saying, "you catch more flies with hunny than w/ vinegar" does that apply here? i dont know, i dont have a hate for tv. i just hate how ppl waste away there lives, doesnt matter to me if its infront of a tv or a computer or what have you. but i see it most in tv's, and frankly it kinda scares me. why is it amost always blue? the glow is always blue. weird huh? you know tvs are in the center of most people living rooms? that they base everythign else in that room off of the tv which serves as a focul point?!? then we gather around, and simply stare, (great family values, right?). but thats not all, no no no... then we go out and by cheap little tables to put in the living room so we can eat and watch! meanwhile our several hundred dollar is being populated my dust rodents... and then what next, well of course we buy even cheaper dinners that taste gross and of course are always labeled at TV dinners, which we use to eat while we watch more. but no my firends the maddness does not stop here. then we have tvs in the other rooms, and again, many a time they are the focal point, one for each individuals room.

tv was bad, but then it got worse

it became like that giant blob in the movie simply named, "The Blob"
tv started taking from other places too. remember when plays and waht not were in theaters with a orchestra and what not? not any more, those are on tv too. thats triste, b/c most ppl dont even go to see real life plays anymore. but then tv went even further. it killed one of the best things man kind had going for it. music my friends. it k-i-l-l-e-d music!! dont give me that loook, you know it has. look at mtv, what the hell is that? music TELEVISION... except that its not music! its a bunch of stupid junk thrown together given a price tag of 250,000$ then called a "music VIDEO" no one put it better than louis black when he said that music is like a drug. that drug produces a mental image and if you go home and watch an mtv music video, and you see the same image taht was in youre head when you frist heard that song... shoot yourself. music killed comics too, there was a time when you saw cartoons in books (had to actaully read, freaky as hell) but now theyre just converted to moving pics.

hmm, i really hadnt intended to make this about tvs, guess i failed there. i like tv a little less than the next guy. sure ive got my favorite shows, thats what makes me a hypocrit... but seriously, enough is enough, we need to just put an end to this nonsense, a little is fine. but to the height that tv has risen to in america? thats just maddness...

qotd~"stop it! its in youre community... STOP IT"-louis black

should i feel the need to add a title later i most likely wont b/c im lazy and have homeowrk! (yes im doing it now)

so my spanish presentation freaking rocked today... coughsarcasimcough

um, i now own not one, not two, but 13 ducks! yikes

i got homework now... i had a weird dream i was trying to climp over a suspended net in high heels and was failing... then that day (for lack of other option i assure you) i wore high heels, and i hated it! does this mean im almost psychic?

qotd~"and the record wont stop skipping"

im such a lazy bum, i need to start homework....

qotd~"math is like a pesticide, and i am like a cocaroach"

and a little more to add

whoa... yeah i just realized im gonna live my entire life single, which for once doesnt depress me but only makes me laugh....

see ive realized taht there is not a single individual in the world who could love me inspite of all my weird quirks..

por ejemplo:
i just finished blasting fall out boy in my brothers room, dancing (freaky as hell my friends) jumping on his bed while eating chocolate frosting straight from the can with a comically small spoon...

and this is about as NORMAL as it gets...

i thought to myself, what if my future husband could see me right now? hed run, as fast as he could, away. which leads me to believe that certain ppl have enough personality to sustain themselves without needing another half. i might be one of those people. and im actaully happy with this realization!

i suppose i could stop my weird quirks and lead a normal, contributing to society, life, but...erm... i dont really wanna.

so now i gotta go, good song, and i need to finsih my frosting....

anotherqotd~"take your tears put them on ice... i swear id burn down the city to show you the light"

dont step on the moan rats...

everyones always searching
looking for what was never lost
running in their own circles
is that an x? no.. its just a cross

and we're looking for ourselves
"who am i today?"
where do i go to feel like home
why do i keep others at bay?

is it twenty paces north?
or sixty to the east?
ive got to keep looking
but what is lost doesnt matter in the least

when was the last time you stopped?
stopped looking for a chance
and instead lost all trace of purpose
maybe just for a second glance?

so i'll ask, wanna get lost with me?
take a walk
drive away?

want to see the undiscovered
the new morning
an unseen eclipse?

we might not come back
the path might be swept away
but as long as im with you
i know it will be okay

qotd~"thats very good advice indeed" (movie freaked me out)

stevo and nick (has been edited)

okay for annie, explaining the stevo situation.....

um, its going to be hard to explain for i am not 100% sure myself, but w/e

i really dont like him anymore, i mean a little bit, but not really, know what i mean?
and its equally hard, b/c since i stumbled upon my epiphonic moment i have decided that i dont really want a boyfriend b/c im perfectly happy just being by myself. sometime within the past few months ive lost sight of that, and thought the only way to be happy was to have some guy i could make out with randomly, but now im just having fun and not worying about it. let me assure you im much more happier without the stress. so why complicate things to go out wihta guy who right now i only have luke warm feelings for, who is really a great friend, (i would hate to lose him as such), and the whole time i would end up just feelng akward b/c ive known him as a friend for too long?

answer: i shouldnt!

okay *editing here*

list of reasons i dont (shouldnt) really like him..

we dont have a lot in common:
---I liek COMPLETELY diff. music than him. seriously, if i were on a road trip with him and he picked the music, i might die. he likes all of those conrey songs that are cute every once in a while but would eventually drive me crazy.
---Completely different style in movies. i like cheap thrillers taht are stpid but still funny in my mind. he loves chick flicks, they just make me laugh uncontrollably and the rest of the teary eyed ppl in the theater would be pissed at me.
---hes really, really into soccer. i think i take an active interest into what i know is improtnatn to other ppl, but that doesnt mean its improtant to me. ive never even watched a soccer game and thats all he ever thinks about!
---where the hell would we eat if we started dating, huh? im a very picky eater, i'll try it once to be polite, but i'll prolly hate it. then waht? he doesnt liek most normal food, at least not enough to eat it regularly. and i definitely not a big fan of his kind of food, so what then, huh?
---i take a more active role in politics, economics, news, and religion than he does. i like to have indepth overstations about philosophy and ideas. i dunno if i could do that with him.
---i dont think hed find lewis black hilarious (but few ppl do...) which saddnes me
---hes a phone person, i hate phones (though i did have a very successful several hour lonng phone converstation with him, which defies my very nature b/c i HATE phones. and yeah, twasnt akward or anything.)
---hes more open aned eflirtatious than i am, im more quiet

okay, there is our lack of incommeness

more over... i dont really trust him that much b/c yeah, hes done things to be seen as untrustworthy toward myself. i wouldnt really trust his motives for liking me in general, i would see his liking me more as a way to fill a void in his own life and frankly, i dont want to be a space killer. (listen to that alanis morrisette song, "not the doctor" the old version, not one of her crappy remade ones) i dont even think i like him so much as i like the idea of having someone i kinda care about like me. and the same goes for him, hes prolly just flattered that i "like" him. he might just like me kinda right now b/c i stayed up with him all night distracting him from the fact that lauren doesnt like him, and he might have just seen that as really nice. most importantly, he still likes lauren, and even if he went out w/ me, im sure hed rather be w/ lauren. and that doesnt botherme b/c those two have more in common, at least they have the whole soccer thing going for them. plus, hes more out going than i am; im more quiet. i can thtink of much more

there are good things that hes got going for him too, but those are detrimental to my arugment so i wont bring them up. =P

over view: do i still like him? A LITTLE bit, maybe. But i dont think i really want a boyfriend right now. i feel like im burnin bridges by saying this. and i dont liek the idea of burning bridges! sometimes he says really sweet things... but i dunno, did you catch his new myspace bulletin, "i just dont get it..."? i dunno if its about me or not. but he wont tell me who its about, and thats weird cuz he usually tells me who his crushes are. anyways, i just dont know. i dont want a b/f. i just like being friends. sounds corny but seriously. i like the way ive been feeeling lately, so stress free, happy, in a state of euphoria if you will! i dont wanna lose that. i feel like that guy in the dr. pepper commerical. the one where hes got that g/f and hes buying her tampons and doing her laundry and what not. then she tries to take a drink of his dr. pepper and he runs away with that "Born Free" song playing. and hes running down the street practically skipping, b.c hes FREE. thats how i feel, i just dont think i can share my dr. pepper... (eew, i hate dr. pepper =P)


okay, update on nick...

before he just made me angry by a lack of morals and really just disapointed me...


now hes made me angry cuz hes been a complete asshole to one of my friends

i plan to let him know that i think hes an asshole

and then evily watch him fail math and bio without mine, annie, noras and tiffs help!!!

qotd~"Born free, as free as the wind blows...as free as the sun glows" I think those are the lyrics, but thats just from memory and i have bad hearing.